Ah, the shifting sands, dissipating beer froth, and receeding hairlines of time.....here, for your amusement and bemusement, are some recent Going Down Swinging news archives. Here you may read about, and view, the launches, the dramas, the scandals, the trials and the triumphs, and the frankly strange fashion choices, that have made up the past couple of swinging years.

GDS gets tweedy for launch of #22>
GDS foster unhealthy bingo addiction>
GDS #21 launched in scurrilous display of sleaze>
GDS rocks the house at Newie>
GDS Auction wildly successful>
Ripped Off!>
Launch Utterly Swelligant>

NEWSFLASH!! APPLAUSE FROM THE GALLERY AS GDS SCORES HOLE-IN-ONE!!
Dateline: 9th December 2004
The fairways and greens of the Old Colonial Hotel have long been sung about in golfing legend, and this night saw the Going Down Swinging team caddy up and polish their clubs for a civilised and sporting evening of spoken word and writerly-type shenanigans. MC Michael Nolan was a new addition to the leaderboard, and acquitted himself admirably as he headed the field and presented the day's contestants to an excited and attentive gallery.

It was golf-claps all round as the evening's first two performers teed off. All the way from Sydney, pop-poet Aminah Hughes whacked the wee white ball straight up the guts of the fairway with a live rendition of "Out of Mind", which features on the GDS22 CD. Less than a minute from the end of the poem, the shabby technology provided by GDS showed its hand and Aminah's backing track went suddenly silent, but Aminah, professional that she is, finished in a capella style without missing a single beat. Red-faced, what passes for techies at GDS corrected the errors and the rest of Aminah's set was a glorious fusion of gentle beats and lyrical poetics. Alternating with Aminah was the well-known and well-loved jeltje, whose sultry, hypnotic, lilting voice was accompanied on this occasion by live acoustic guitar, the sounds of both intertwining to soothe the fevered breasts of all in attendance.

Following Aminah and jeltje onto the green were Simon Hall and Nathan Curnow, who had upped clubs and committed to the feature event of the evening: the inaugural Going Down Swinging Poetry Putt-Off. Starting off from opposite corners of the room, Hall and Curnow skilfully navigated the lion's den of obstacles scattered around (empty pot glasses, paying customers, table legs, full pot glasses, copies of GDS22 bought for the one-night-only unbelievably cheap price of ten dollars and carefully set aside for the moment, poets, short story writers, bags and jackets) to sink their 385-dimpled balls into the hole, represented for the occasion by a beautiful mother-of-pearl-coloured ceramic shell-shaped ashtray. It was a best-of-three competition, with the winner of each round awarded the right to read their poem first. Some creative putting saw Hall take the first round and regale the crowd with his stream of consciousness nonsequeteurial genius ahead of Curnow's wry societal observations in verse. Second round went to Curnow, who seemingly had learned some tricks from Hall's first-round performance, but the third and final round was also Hall's, and thus he was declared the so-called winner of the Putt-Off (though as all in attendance and all who read this will know, the real winner of the night was literature itself).

The evening was rounded off with raffles galore and a launch speech provided by outgoing editors Anna Hedigan and Adam Ford, who surprised everyone by not tearing up too much as they said their goodbyes and gave their thanks to all who had supported them through their years with the magazine, wishing ongoing editors alicia sometimes and Steve Grimwade all the very best and acknowledging that GDS was in very safe hands indeed, before declaring the bugger launched and heading off for a well-earned beer or three. As everyone in attendance wound down the evening and wandered off to their respective nineteenth holes, packed up their clubs and sent their caddies home, the mood was one of satisfaction. Another issue of Going Down Swinging had been brought into the world, and once again the result was well above par.

Images from launch of Going Down Swinging #21, 9th December 2004

+ + +

NEWSFLASH!! AND BINGO WERE THEIR NAMES-O!!
Dateline: 30th July 2004
Always on the lookout for an ironic juxtaposition, this year's mid-year fundraising event from Going Down Swinging went where seldom few have gone before and combined the popular art of spoken word with the less-than-well-thought-of art known only as bingo and dragged the bastard child of this unexpected hybridisation to the function rooms at the Brunswick Street Oval in Fitzroy, directly underneath the historic grandstand.

A mighty full house was had that night as patrons stumbled in from the freezing winter darkness to gather around tables and check off numbers as they were called in an attempt to fill the magical grids and thereby win themselves a range of prizes. The bar was stocked with cheap booze and homemade Bailey's Irish Cream, which was used judiciously to mix up the giggleriffic cocktail known as the Cowboy Cocksucker. The food was plentiful and the pie-warmer was kept running all night as punters and patrons alike remarked on the generosity of GDS in providing fresh warm pastries to take the edge off of the inebriation inevitably caused by so many games of bingo.

Hosts Jonno "Bingo" Bing and alicia "Bingo" sometimes braved the crowd who, early in the night, proved that they weren't just here for the poetry. Amusing calls relying on sexual innuendo and double entendre accompanied the announcement of each number as it was drawn from the Lucky Chance Machine, to the amusement of all. Counterpointing the sexual innuendo were many references to the numbers adorning the reverse of the guernseys of numerous professional athletes engaged in the sport lovingly known as Australian Rules.

Each round of bingo was counterpointed by a reading from various performers who had come fromfar and wide to participate. Steve Smart, Tom Cho, Fiona Sievers, Mal McKimmie and Sean M. Whelan all took the stage and were politely tolerated as a slight diversion from the main event. This came as a surprise to the GDS organisers, who had thought that the words of wisdom dripping from the lips of the feature performers had been the significant drawcard in luring audience members. Yet rather, it seemed that the lust for competition inspired by the random selection of numbers from a range of zero to ninety was the true drawcard. Nevertheless the readers performed admirably in the face of such gambling fervor and easily quelled the lusts of the bingoholics as our valiant MCs girded their loins for another tooth-gnashing tense round of number-calling.

By the end of the night all performers had taken the stage, all prizes had been won, all beer had been drunk, all jelly snakes guzzled, and all but five pies had been snarfled by the endearingly generous community that has supported GDS since year dot. Truly it can be said that the achievements of GDS would not have been possible without the support and friendship of the rowdy rabble who put aside their differences and gathered together on the last Saturday inJuly to create an atmosphere of excitement that cannot be entirely blamed on gambling addiction. For this we here at GDS are truly grateful.
+ + +

NEWSFLASH!! NUDITY, SCANDAL AND LOVEMAKING FEATURE AT BOOK LAUNCH! "SCURRILOUS" SAYS THE PRESS!
Dateline: 11th December, 2003, Fitzroy
Returning once again to the scene of the crime, the Old Colonial Hotel in downtown Fitzroy, the pub that is coming to be known as "Going Down Swinging's Home Ground", a stellar cast of performers assembled in the back room to celebrate the launch of Going Down Swinging's 21st edition.The theme for the night was a swingers' party. It seemed appropriate, after disparate lexical connections were made: 21 issues, 21st birthdays, key to the door, keys, going down swinging, swinging, swingers, key party. It's easy when you know how.

The evening began with readings from various magazine contributors. Benito "Oh Baby" di Fonzo took time out from his hectic Sydney lifestyle to meander south and regale the audience with his genius work, "Financial Blues" which appears on the CD portion of GDS #21. Also performing was relative newcomer miles "The Tongue" vertigan, whose droll soft-spoken and tangential meditations enthralled all present. Finally the dazzling Klare "Lover" Lanson took stage and flabbered the entire pubs gasts with a live rendition of <SAMPLETHAT>, the 5-minute-plus cyberkabuki opus that can also be heard on the GDS #21 CD.

MC Peter "nice shirt" Salmon then introduced the next portion of the evening, which involved audience participation. Six hapless individuals were called up on stage according to the colourful numbered keys that they had received on arrival. They were then paired off and during a break in proceedings asked to investigate the deepest, darkest and most embarrassingly intimate secrets of each others' sex lives. Said secrets would then be paraded on stage for all to see. The couple who were deemed by the audience the most well-acquainted would then receive a superb grab-bag of prizes, including movie passes, a white porcelain lamp in the shape of a cat, and a fuzzy pink champagne cooler. With everyone returned from the powder room and suitably re-beveraged, the revelations began. Semen floating in bathtubs. Naked waterfall sex in front of trains. Bus sex. Politely refused offers of incestual voyeurism. The dirty sanchez. Virginity loss at inestimably young ages. The audience gasped with horror, tittered nervously and thought "I don't feel so bad about myself, now" as each revelation was spewed forth. In the midst of the carnage it was decided by the traditional "how loud can you clap" method that the team consisting of Melissa Petrakis and Berni Janssen was the closest bonded of the evening, and they left the stage with their booty. What happened to the other four confessors is lost to history.

The feature performance of the night was a head-to-head sex-off lovemaking poetry fight to the death between the dulcet-gravel-toned Ian "I'm on Top Tonight" McBryde and the deft-witted-diva Lauren "Laureate of Love" Williams. The two poets swapped lovebites and wet patches with their words as they plumbed the heights and soared to the depths of that most human of conditions: love. The audience, already quite toey by this stage, was juiced to the max by the end of the searing, saucy performance. There was not a dry lap in the house as the two spent poets faced front, exhausted and asked if the crowd had had enough. "NO!" was the resounding cry. "ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD, YOU SEXY MOTHERFUCKING POET GODS!" And they were obliged mightily. Their work done, McBryde and Williams retired, pushing aside the many groupies who waited for them at the side of the stage. (As yet there is no confirmation to the rumour that Prince has requested a lyric-writing workshop with both of the featured poets.)

Of course, the only way to follow such an act is with a stripper. The studly young man known only as Crazy Elf stepped to the fore and proceeded to play an obscure game whereby he would remove an item of clothing for every sexual euphemism provided by the now-fully tumescent crowd. Growlers, budgie's tongues, even the hidden salami were invoked as the young man got nuder and nuder until all that stood between the undeniably buff young man's modesty and the crowd was an opened copy of Going Down Swinging #21. The time had come for the official launch of the magazine itself, and stepping to the fore came none other than the stud ram of poetry himself, PiO. With the naked mugging and posing of Crazy Elf as backdrop, PiO regaled the crowd with a cutup poem impression of the entire magazine, dropping phrase after phrase taken from the CD and book into a spectacular soup of words. A random wave of head-snapping could be seen cascading across the pub as contributors to the magazine recognised their own words in Pi's speech.

With the conclusion of the launch, a raffle was drawn, as is traditional, and the redoubtable MC Salmon, ended the night by offering a copy of GDS #21 to the first couple to "hook up" (as the kids would have it) for the first time after the launch, and then to contact the offices of GDS with appropriate evidence. He then encouraged all present to augment their chances of winning by drinking copious alcoholic beverages and continuing their revelry well in to the night. Which is what they all did. In the morning various false claims were made, but after the evidence proffered in each case was deemed a fabrication, nobody won the copy of GDS #21. A sad state of affairs in such a nubile young town as Melbourne, when a bunch of drunk poets won't even take each other home for sex. In compensation, perhaps their sexual frustrations and inadequacies will inspire written and spoken works that will grace the pages and shiny reflective digital surfaces of Going Down Swinging #22. Time can only tell.

Images from launch of Going Down Swinging #21, 11 December 2003. All photographs by Lou Swinn.

+ + +

NEWSFLASH!! GDS OPEN MIKE BRINGS DOWN DA HOUSE AT NYWF
Dateline: 27 November 2003
On Friday 3rd October Newcastle rocked out to the best in independent Australian spoken word with the launch of Express Media's Voiceworks #54 and the big ol' Going Down Swinging open mike, a festival favorite. Celebrating the issue of Voiceworks (which comes with the nifty Mouthpiece spoken word CD - an initiative of Express Media, GDS and the noise festival) were a bevy of under 25 y.o. knocking out the audience with performances in a performance-launch extravaganza. After the launch the audience strapped themselves in for the infamous GDS open mike - featuring one-minute work taped for national radio and hosted by NY's wit-slinging sass machine Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz. Readings featured some of Cristin's crew from Mouth-Off, who were preparing for gigs at the Sydney Opera House and were in fine form. We heard from Aminah Hughes, Anna Krien, Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz, Eytan Messiah, Jacob Berson and Ula Majewski, as well as many who leapt up from the sticky carpet, smeared papers in hand, inspired to launch their words. Mistress of the Kaoss pad, Klare Lanson, offered this assessment on her festival blog - "the voiceworks launch last night was very successful with some fantastic new works performed from the cd and cristin o'keefe aptowicz did a great job of livening up the gds openmike. bonza gig."

Images from Express Media Launch/Going Down Swinging Open Mike, 3 October 2003. National Young Writers' Festival. All Photographs by Anna Hedigan

+ + +

NEWSFLASH!! GDS AUCTION WILDLY SUCCESSFUL!!
Dateline: 13 June 2003
On May the 15th the plucky team behind Going Down Swinging returned to the scene of the crime - the Old Colonial Hotel on Brunswick Street in Fitzroy. Six months earlier the uncontainable joy provided by the wrestle-tastic launch of Going Down Swinging #20 (see earlier news articles for full details) was marred by the horrifying discovery that the door takings, which were to go towards the production of future issues, had been stolen. Estimates of the loss had put the dollar amount in excess of $1200.

Undaunted, these four brave individuals set about recouping their loss. They sent their request for assistance far and wide, and many generous individuals donated items both cultural and literary so that Going Down Swinging could amass a suitable array of lots for a benefit auction. The list of lots was both large and quirky, including a signed set of books from eminent poet Dorothy Porter; a precious copy of Going Down Swinging #1 that had been signed by the world-famous Peter Carey; dinner with the editors of Going Down Swinging; a three-day retreat to Daylesford; a copy of ex-Victorian Premier Jeff Kennett's anthology of abysmal poetry about dogs that had been signed by current Victorian Premier Steve Bracks; renowned artist Patricia Picininni's first published work, a collaboration with writer Chris Gregory; art from the pens of Peter Savieri, Jo Waite and Nicki Greenberg, and from the brushes of Ed Burger and Martine Murray; and an original program from the celebrations of Federation of the Commonwealth of Australia (1901).

After a series of truly spiritually fulfilling poetry readings from Jordi Albiston, Ray Liversidge and Richard King, the auctioneering duties were taken on in inimitable style by the shirt-tastic Peter Salmon. The four plucky editors stood by armed only with white cotton gloves as they watched the goodwill seethe throughout the room. Bids came fast and furiously, with the occasional head-to-head bidding war serving to heighten the palpable tension and excitement. By the end of the evening all the lots had been accounted for and the final tally of money raised had more than doubled the amount originally lost on that tragic November eve.

Once again the editors of Going Down Swinging have been humbled by the generosity of their supporters. They would like to extend their most heartfelt thanks to all who participated in the benefit auction. If it truly can be said that the success of any literary endeavour is reliant on the passion and generosity of its supporters, then Going Down Swinging is destined to be the most successful literary magazine in the history of Australian literature.

Images from Going Down Swinging Benefit Auction, 15 May 2003
All photographs by Sean M Whelan

+ + +

NEWSFLASH!! PROMINENT LITERARY MAGAZINE RIPPED OFF RIGHTEOUSLY!!!
Dateline: 5th December 2002
In a saddening counterpoint to the brilliant launch of issue #20 of Going Down Swinging, the editorial staff of the magazine reported that the majority of the door takings, which would have gone towards the upkeep of the magazine, was stolen from the cash box on the very night of the launch.

What actually happened is unclear, but consensus seems to indicate that while the entire pub was distracted by the spectacular wrestling display that was the feature of the launch, some unkind soul snuck into the pub, opened the cashbox and snatched away the huge pile of cash that Melbourne's literature-loving punters had paid for the evening's entertainment. The wad of cash had yet to be counted, but sources close to the editors claim that the amount was in the region of $1000, if not more.

The incident was reported to the police, and then a series of medicinal gin and tonics was drunk by all concerned. One fortunate thing about the incident is that the money was not slated for any particular project, and as such Going Down Swinging is not financially in trouble because of this incident.Police have yet to get back to Going Down Swinging concerning this incident. Plans are afoot for an early-2003 benefit gig to recoup the loss.
+ + +

NEWSFLASH! GOING DOWN SWINGING LAUNCH A SWELLIGANT SUCCESS!!!
Dateline: 5th December 2002
The launch of the 20th issue of Going Down Swinging was a resounding success, say various poetic punters who were lucky enough to be at the event late last year. The night took place at the Old Colonial Hotel on Brunswick Street, Fitzroy, site of the now-legendary launch of Going Down Swinging #19. Faced with the question, "how do we top a night of boxing and spoken word?" the managers of this 22-year-old literary institution came up with the only sensible solution: wrestling and spoken word.

The evening kicked off at around 8.30 pm, with excited punters streaming in in droves. The Colonial was soon filled to capacity, with people leafing through their copies of issue 20 as they sucked down alcoholic beverages of choice. Many Melbourne-based contributors to the magazine were present that night, and many of them were cajoled by others in attendance to fill the back-page autograph section of the book with their value-enhancing signatures.

Performances began with the inimitable Jeff Payton and Rod Collins performing a music-and-words set that included "What Would Andy Say?" (track 9 on this year's CD), followed by Jo Davidson's spoken-only set, which featured "The Ark" (track 2 on this year's CD). Next up on the mike was contributor Susan Paterson, who read beautifully and satisfied the audience with her live rendition of "love's uncharted land" (p.76 of this year's book). The evening to an unexpected turn, however, when Paterson stepped down to hand the mike over to Sean M. Whelan, with Paterson expressing doubts as to Whelan's writing ability. Whelan took the stage with good grace, and after rebutting Paterson's remarks with a few acid quips of his own, read a spectacular set that boasted "Lionheart" (track 25 on this year's CD) and then continued to return fire as Paterson heckled from the audience.

At this point MC Peter "Count of Three" Salmon stepped in and suggested that the only gentlemanly way to settle the dispute between the two poets was to don masks and take the matter into the ring. The two combatants quickly stepped into their battle-dress and assumed their guises as the legendary luchadores Captain Insano and The Defenestrator. For the next fifteen minutes the poets proceeded to throw each other around the venue in a variety of spectacular moves including piledrivers, slams and the controversial helicopter toss.

The match ended in a mutual loss, with both poets stunned and prone on the mat. The official launch proceeded, with an amusing overview of Going Down Swinging's two-decade-plus history provided by founding editors Myron Lysenko and Kevin Brophy before the current editorial team blurted out a seemingly endless list of thanks. The evening concluded with DJ Jonno Bing soothing the crowd's bloodlust with a grab-bag of groovy tunes.

The only question left on people's lips as they staggered, drunk and literarily satisfied from the pub, was what to expect next year? Bungee Jumping? Capoeira? Darts? Only time, it seems, will tell.
+ + +

Images from launch of Going Down Swinging #20
*All photographs by Steven Stevenson (MrStephenson @ hotmail.com)